Spot the fixers

Cricket and politics have so much in common. Both are games fixers play. Both have spot-fixers and match-fixers. Courtesy their glorious ifs and Butts, both are thrillers. And both boost the betting business.
Recall when we thought we'd clinched 1986's Sharjah Cup final. Pakistan's Javed Miandad needed four off the last ball. Who'd have betted bowler Chetan Sharma would gift him a full toss helping snatch victory from the jowls of defeat? The chhakka that resulted drove crushed Indians to the nearest watering holes, especially those who'd put money on Team India.Drinking from the non-Sharjah cup of woe was a patriotic duty in every loser's hic town.
Equally, remember when P V Narasimha Rao faced charges of vote-buying and suitcase-handling. We'd bet on when the Congress war vet — on perpetual maun vrat even before Anna made mum's-the-word so hip — would open his mouth in self-defence. The suspense was killing since we'd been (wrongly) advised by the bookies: "Put your money where his pout is." We also wagered on where PV was hiding when a certain religious monument was being demolished in 1992, an event Kalyan Singh & Co denied was pre-fixed. In 1996, PV retired, hurt. That poll outcome was so predictable, no amount of fixing could unfix it.
In contrast, who dreamt of the ascent of Man in 2004 to gamble on it? Yet the very PV-appointed finance minister who'd said he didn't lose sleep over stock market scams would repeat the boast eons later with CWG and 2G. That too, as PM. That prime (ministerial) spot could have been fixed only by the lady who renounced it.
Manmohan Singh's arrival on the political crease was a nail-biter. The 2004 match seemed popularly fixed in favour of then-PM Vajpayee. Even soothsaying TV pundits foreswore that. Yet, against all odds, Sonia grabbed the stumping chance, making the BJP lose power, psephologists lose face and betters lose cash. Everyone then hedged, taking another apparently riskless bet: Sonia-as-PM. But she kept us on tenterhooks only to select Singh as skipper, a dark horse no one had backed. Spoilsport.
Hisar notwithstanding, these days Anna`s the herald of glorious uncertainties. When he'd end his maun vrat kept many in casino mode. Not that his "vow of silence" gave him a writer's block — or, shall we say, blog? But when his garrulous blog posts blurted out he'd end his vrat "in the next 3 to 4 days", all bets were off.
Focus is now on Anna's electoral match fixing formula. He says he'll ask voters to chasten the Congress, soliciting crowd support for the Jan Lokpal Bill`s backers. Ergo, the winner`s spot is fixed for anyone but the Congress. That is, unless the party fixes the Jan Lokpal Bill`s win over the draft legislation`s less draconian rivals.
Orderly roulettes, polls nowadays rarely require umpire EC to strike back. But, courtesy the Anna imponderable, expect many turns on the political wicket offering good betting opportunities. For starters, will Parliament`s winter session field a "strong Lokpal Bill", with Team Singh and Team Anna batting on the same side? Or will Anna `fast` bowl and UPA take defensive strike? Will Anna`s threatened third fast draw crowds or be washed out? If the UPA does kill Bill, will UP rout the Congress because Anna queered the pitch? If not, who`ll score highest — Team Maya, Team Rahul, Team Mulayam or Team Saffron which Team Anna`s been accused of padding up? Finally, will Jan Lokpal — the Anna-purported antidote to all our warts — indeed become the sole poll bol? If yes, won`t voters be stuck at silly point?
We great gamblers had better fix ourselves the best spots in the spectator stands. Votes are catches that win matches. So, the teams battling it out will unabashedly play to the galleries, even while charging one another of poll tampering. Happily, you can bet on that.